Umm I'm too high to move.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
