I'm drive I can fine osifer
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
