I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
