OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
