I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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