I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
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