ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Even my vagina gasped.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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