i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
