neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
