White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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