I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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