Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
