I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
