My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i would punch a child for taco bell
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
