I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
