On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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