im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
