The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
