You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
we should paint friendship bongs
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
