I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
