I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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