fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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