just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
