Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
