You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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