Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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