Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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