there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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