my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
