Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Boobs speak an international language.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
