Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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