if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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