We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
