I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
