She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
