I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Welp...herpes.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
