haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
