My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
