Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
