Tell her she can't have a vagina
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
