i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
