The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
