rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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