just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
