dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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