For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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