Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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