if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
