Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
