Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
