so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
