i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
