Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
