Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
